All I wanted
All I wanted was to be a friend. To be there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on, or someone to listen, or a hand to pull her up out of the shadows.
That’s all I wanted.
I promised I would be there, even if ‘there’ was hundreds of miles distant. I promised I wouldn’t desert her, as others had done. I promised I’d be a true friend, for as long as the universe would allow.
I was, and I didn’t, and I did, but not out of any sense of duty. Sure, it was all borne of kindness and caring, but I promised because I wanted to, and because the world can’t afford to lose beautiful souls to the shadows. There just aren’t enough of them. But mostly because I wanted to.
Well, the universe didn’t allow it. I didn’t allow it. In the end, I broke my promises.
And now my friend is gone. A dear friend with a beautiful soul – gone from me. She did what she thought best and is carrying on with her life, without me. All I can do is watch as she walks away. True friends are rare and precious, and to drive one away is terrible thing, but I did just that. Maybe we’ll cross paths again, but I don’t expect the universe is going to allow that either.
I feel terrible.
Sadness is prevailing here.
Foolish though it may be, I still hold out some small shred of hope that I can make this relationship, and others, right and whole again. To believe otherwise – to lose hope – would be devastating.
So, the wanderer carries on.