Hello again
So here’s the thing.
The last week or so* I’ve not been at my best**. Things got so bad*** I did something I really should have done a year ago – or two – or ten – probably more like twenty: I phoned my doctor’s office and scheduled a visit to talk to them about depression or dysthymia or whatever it is I might have that’s keeping me beaten down.
Without getting into scary details – although I could give a full blog post about them, if not an entirely new blog (hmmm…) – I get into this cycle of letting something bother me, beating myself up for letting it get to me, feeling guilty about not being strong enough to not beat myself up, and spiraling downward until there’s just no shred of happy left. I felt like withdrawing from the world. So I did.
It didn’t work. I just got worse. (Go ahead and say it: duh!)
The Wife, bless her dear, lovely, extraordinary, patient, kind heart, suffered right along with me, which is all she can do when I get deep down in that shadowy, monster-laden darkness. BUT, today, while crying on her shoulder once again, she struck gold in our mind meld / powwow / conversation / heart to heart and made the difference she always wishes she could make. I feel better.
Thank the heavens above for The Wife.
Now, I still have the mental issues I’ve had all along, whatever they are, so I don’t know how long this will last. In fact, I fully expect to fall back into the stupid shadows. Hence, the doctor visit. I go in next week Friday, by the way - a bit far off, but it’s a step in the right direction, regardless. I mean, hopefully.
For the moment, though, I’m back. Back in the world, and back in the club:
No more sappy, sad, depressing music. Instead, there’s this kind of thing, which is, incidentally, something to which I’ve wanted to devote a post for quite some time. This song, NOT sung by Antonio Cartagena 
, was profiled on NPR a while back, and is a real hoot. He’s an Italian dude, and was maybe at the forefront of the whole “try to sound like an American” rage back in the 1970s. This particular performance is, I guess, complete nonsense and gibberish – and is brilliant.
Part of that whole withdrawal thing I mentioned above was not visiting any blogs since about what seems like last July. I’m sure I’ve missed great stories and marvelous pictures from you all, and I’m not happy about that, but I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed them properly anyway. Either way, I’m sorry for being so unfriendly.
Here’s to a fabulous week ahead for all of us!
* an understatement
** also an understatement
*** getting closer, but still an understatement
You received no help from the doc? Or did U even go . As my wife would say – MEN! I have had these problems in the past so I can empathize. You already have one thing going for ya – ya talked about it and that is an important thing. Us guys tend to keep it bottled up inside. Happy thoughts to you Sid!~
January 28, 2013 at 5:06 pm
I’m going next week Friday, Louis. Getting things out does seem to be a huge help, and makes me wonder why I don’t do it more. Sigh. Anyway, thanks!
January 29, 2013 at 1:23 pm
Glad to hear that, Sid. Are you open to medications? I take meds and have an agreement with my doc that I can raise my dose as I wish starting about Sept when the days get shorter then lower the dose again in March or so. I definitely have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). The best part – the meds are effective for me.
January 29, 2013 at 2:33 pm
We all have been there, especially in Michigan in the winter. some of us even moved to the sunshine and then guess what? It can still happen. The great thing is there are great medications and doctors and I know way more people that have needed it at one time or another that haven’t. I know many people that get great relief from a simple USB light in front of their monitors to help with winter blues. They are as little as 20 bucks from Amazon, can be worth a try and every little bit helps. Sounds like you have a good support system and your smart, so you got some help. Don’t beat yourself up for not posting, reading or anything else. Take care of yourself and then you take care of your family. Glad to see you back and keep getting help. I called Jim “Jack from the Shining” from January thru April in Michigan. Ha ha!
January 28, 2013 at 5:08 pm
Thanks, Abbie! The great medications and great doctors thing? I’ve known that all along, at some level, but it took me this long to seek them out? Good grief, I say.
How long ago did you leave Michigan?
January 29, 2013 at 1:26 pm
We left nine years ago for JIm training and expected to move back but we couldn’t eave the weather and the beach and the mountains and the cheery people. We both need to be outside more than you can be in Michigan, if you dislike being cold. I like to garden and I still like having four season which is what we have here, and we get to plant flowers in the fall! Glad to see you around again!
January 30, 2013 at 11:46 am
howdy sid old man, hope things are better than they seem (they usually are you know) please, take time to love yourself and relax my friend, breathe easy and let it flow . . . peace
January 28, 2013 at 5:44 pm
Big smile here from that comment, Willie – thanks for the chuckle and the always good advice. It’s always good to see you here, my blogging friend.
January 29, 2013 at 1:31 pm
as it is for me to see you – stay well -
January 29, 2013 at 2:53 pm
Winters can get awfully long and gray, compounding any feelings of depression already lurking. I am glad you are taking that next step and know there are many like me who may not have met you personally but still care and hope the dark pain you are feeling can be lifted! (and how can one not feel a bit of a lift in mood after watching the goofy Italian dude?) ~ Kat
January 28, 2013 at 8:58 pm
My family and I are glad as well! I’m happy you liked Adriano Celentano.
Thanks for the kind thoughts, Kat!
January 29, 2013 at 1:32 pm
I completely understand. I pull myself out of the pit, only to land in it again sometime later, just wallowing in whatever it is that pulls me in. I have tried for many years to overcome depression, I think that I can.I want to, but It’s difficult and it’s a constant battle. I’m not sure I have made great progress over the years. But I do know one thing; it feels good to know love. Even when people don’t understand, they simply stand by saying, “I love you and I care”. So feel the love Sid… and know that there are many others who understand and have compassion.
January 28, 2013 at 9:27 pm
Thanks, Lori. You’ve so often something perfectly wise and kind to add.
I feel for you, as far as the pit and wallowing. It’s discouraging, to say the least, to not be ABLE to do what we know we need to do. I hope hope hope you are making some of that elusive progress, my friend.
January 29, 2013 at 1:36 pm
Too young to actually give advice, all I can say is that you will always be loved by the ones around you, no matter what… Hope you find your ray of light soon!!
Lots of love and prayers,
Sumithra.
January 29, 2013 at 12:55 am
I don’t know, Sumithra – I’m thinking you have a wisdom beyond your years.
Thank you for the kind thoughts, and the support! And take care of yourself – your part of the world seems to be going through some troubled times.
January 29, 2013 at 1:45 pm
Thank you for your concern, Sir… My country sure is going through troubled times now!!
January 30, 2013 at 5:36 am
Hang in there, mate! Life’s good, when all is said and done.
January 29, 2013 at 1:58 am
So true, Gerry! So true. And I will, my friend.
January 29, 2013 at 1:46 pm
I’ve heard Antonio Cartagena is a great actor and singer!
Welcome back! We missed you
January 29, 2013 at 2:58 am
I’ve heard that as well, SSG – or something like that… I’ve missed all of you as well.
January 29, 2013 at 1:47 pm
Sid, I wish you all the best. Take good care and listen to your dear wife.
We all need spring sounds, longer light and more sunshine, but you need even more of that. I hoop you soon will feel better.
January 29, 2013 at 3:04 am
I hope you soon will feel better. (Sorry for the typo; I have some difficulties with reading white letters on black).
January 29, 2013 at 4:05 am
Thank you, dear Paula. I’ve become more attuned to those spring sounds and longer light that are always there and that I might have missed in younger days.
You know, I chose the black background to save on electricity usage when my page is open on my laptop, and didn’t really know how the white words on black would work out. I may need to rethink the scheme! Anyway, I thought that might have been a little Dutch or Flemish sneaking in…
January 29, 2013 at 1:52 pm
Hello! Good to see you
January 29, 2013 at 7:05 am
Hello to you, Munira – and likewise! It’s good to know you’re still here. How’s your bubble? I hope not permanently damaged.
January 29, 2013 at 1:54 pm
Not permanently damaged…..just alternating between chores and lazing and not thinking about blogging
January 30, 2013 at 6:47 am
Hey Sid.
Absolutely a step in the right direction. It may be purely chemical and beyond your control. I bet you are anxious to get it all answered!
Keeping you in my prayers blogging friend…
~d.
January 29, 2013 at 10:45 am
Absolutely, D. Thank you thank you for your kind thoughts! I am rather anxious, as you supposed, and I’ll be sure to let you know what the deal is, whatever it is.
January 29, 2013 at 1:55 pm
Sid,
Check your email acct on gmail! I have sent you a private mail.
January 29, 2013 at 2:47 pm
Dear Sid, I hope you get better soon and will love yourself soon. I am sure the doctor will be a great help. Take care of yourself and make everyone around you smile as you always do.
January 29, 2013 at 7:43 pm
What a nice thing to say, M – thanks for so often giving me a smile here!
January 30, 2013 at 10:44 pm
My late husband suffered from clinical depression, inherited from his dad, who was aptly nicknamed “Dr. Gloom.” His family had a penchant for giving every single member a nickname, and it just didn’t feel like we were part of the family if we didn’t have one. I’m so thankful he recognized the depression problem and did something about it. I’m so glad you’re going to see the Dr!!
January 30, 2013 at 12:02 am
I’m not sure whether to laugh or to be sad about your father in law’s “Dr. Gloom” moniker! I’ll tell you, it was like a bit of a weight removed, to have actually called the doctor, so I’m hoping that the weeks or months or years (eesh) bring further lessening of the load. Thanks, LG.
January 30, 2013 at 10:49 pm
When Dave recognized the depression for what it was, and quit trying to deny it or fight it on his own, he was a different man. Sunshine helped too. Living in the Great Northwest wasn’t so great for his depression, but going back to the desert in Arizona – what a difference!!! Not that I’d want you to move to Arizona or anything.
Didn’t help Dr. Gloom, but it sure did my Dave!!!
January 31, 2013 at 12:39 am
Definitely understandable…… I have a lot of issues that come and go, I usually bounce back at some point, so I’m REALLY trying not to let it bother me. Glad to see you back!
January 30, 2013 at 8:39 pm
From what I know about you from WP, I knew you would understand and relate. The “trying to not let it bother me” is where I fail, more and more. I hope your issues don’t ever keep you down long, Holly. And thanks!
January 30, 2013 at 10:52 pm
I hope the doctor visit goes well, Sid. You’re a gem.
January 31, 2013 at 11:39 pm