So here’s the thing.
The last week or so* I’ve not been at my best**. Things got so bad*** I did something I really should have done a year ago – or two – or ten – probably more like twenty: I phoned my doctor’s office and scheduled a visit to talk to them about depression or dysthymia or whatever it is I might have that’s keeping me beaten down.
Without getting into scary details – although I could give a full blog post about them, if not an entirely new blog (hmmm…) – I get into this cycle of letting something bother me, beating myself up for letting it get to me, feeling guilty about not being strong enough to not beat myself up, and spiraling downward until there’s just no shred of happy left. I felt like withdrawing from the world. So I did.
It didn’t work. I just got worse. (Go ahead and say it: duh!)
The Wife, bless her dear, lovely, extraordinary, patient, kind heart, suffered right along with me, which is all she can do when I get deep down in that shadowy, monster-laden darkness. BUT, today, while crying on her shoulder once again, she struck gold in our mind meld / powwow / conversation / heart to heart and made the difference she always wishes she could make. I feel better.
Thank the heavens above for The Wife.
Now, I still have the mental issues I’ve had all along, whatever they are, so I don’t know how long this will last. In fact, I fully expect to fall back into the stupid shadows. Hence, the doctor visit. I go in next week Friday, by the way - a bit far off, but it’s a step in the right direction, regardless. I mean, hopefully.
For the moment, though, I’m back. Back in the world, and back in the club:
No more sappy, sad, depressing music. Instead, there’s this kind of thing, which is, incidentally, something to which I’ve wanted to devote a post for quite some time. This song, NOT sung by Antonio Cartagena , was profiled on NPR a while back, and is a real hoot. He’s an Italian dude, and was maybe at the forefront of the whole “try to sound like an American” rage back in the 1970s. This particular performance is, I guess, complete nonsense and gibberish – and is brilliant.
Part of that whole withdrawal thing I mentioned above was not visiting any blogs since about what seems like last July. I’m sure I’ve missed great stories and marvelous pictures from you all, and I’m not happy about that, but I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed them properly anyway. Either way, I’m sorry for being so unfriendly.
Here’s to a fabulous week ahead for all of us!
* an understatement
** also an understatement
*** getting closer, but still an understatement